Out of the Abyss

I'm tired

I am just so tired.

It feels like a lifetime ago the last time I saw my mother, or my father, or even my brothers. I didn’t know how lucky I was. I was an idiot back then. I had enough food to eat, a soft bed to sleep on, and safety. I never once went to sleep not wondering if I would wake up again. I never once had to actually use a sword, because the alternative would be death. I never once considered what it was like to be a slave, or a prisoner. Slaves were just slaves because… because! Because it was their lot in life. I was above all that.

I’ve managed not to die this far. And now we’re in Graklestugh, and every day I continue to not die, but it takes so much effort to just stay alive and keep moving that I feel like I don’t have enough room for caring about too much. The consequences of my actions. Who I hurt. What I owe Him.

I thought we would be safe in Graklestugh. I mean, it’s a city, right? A mixed-up, backwards city with no sun and people who talk strange and invisible assassins and a dragon. Did I mention the dragon? A big red one. But anyways, somehow I thought that if we just got to the city, we would be able to sign on with a caravan and be on our way. Like it would all be over.

But it’s not. There’s one thing after another. First it was Sarith and the thing living inside him. And then there was Hemeth, who died even though he helped us. And then there was that drow bitch who kept goading us until Ananke and Sudeiman attacked her, and we got arrested for it. Turns out, it doesn’t matter whether you actually were responsible for the fight. It happened, you were there, so you’re in trouble. Then the jailbreak, and then getting captured again. And the merchants. And the Keepers of the Flame. And then the trip following the crazy derro, and the mushrooms, and the water weird, and the singing plants, and the obelisk. And the bears. And the dragon egg. And Jim.

And because that is not enough – no, it didn’t stop there – we headed through the derro town and they are all fucking demons! And no one believes me. One of them slit his throat right in front of me and then they captured Finn and they were going to sacrifice him to DEMOGORGON, but of course, because no one else could see that they were demons, I’m the one that’s crazy?

My powers are improving every day, which makes me feel strong but also makes me worried. Every time, it’s easier and easier to just call on it and do what I need to do. Turn invisible? Sure. Teleport? I can do that. Bring back the dead? Apparently. Cause people grievous harm and feed off of their soul? I should really feel bad about that, I know. But like I said, I’m just so tired…

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